I don't even know where to begin today. We're going to have to put my dog to sleep on Monday. I've cried to the point that my face is raw and I feel completely hollowed out. I told myself that I could handle this when it came. We've been knowing that her health has been deteriorating for the past year. I didn't think it would hit me this hard. She's 12 and that's pretty dang old for a large dog. And I know that a lot of you can't possibly understand where I'm coming from. You say, "she's just a dog" or "it's not like she's human." But honestly she feels like a part of me. As an only child she became my only playmate. We would spend hours outside running and playing and then come inside to take a nap on the bed. She was my soccer buddy. She was my foot warmer. She was my comfort when I would come home crying and would stare at me intensely as I recapped for her what had just happened. She was my protector and crying mate when things were rough at home. For 12 years she has been a totally constant part of my life and now Monday, I'm going to have to say goodbye. I've seen her grow from a tiny puppy,

to a beautiful companion and at times what I felt like was my only friend.

It almost doesn't seem fair that we can decide when her life will end. I can't hope that any of you will truly understand. You may laugh, mock, or cry along with me if you want. I never imagined it would be this hard. I never imagined seeing my Dad cry at the vet's office this morning. This is a man who I've only seen cry once in my entire life. Tell me that doesn't mean something. I'm going to take a break for a few days from the blog world. But never fear, I will return soon. Mark it down to another chapter of life.

Saturday, August 28, 2004 | 12:28 PM | LINK |

It's not easy being royalty.

Check it out, it's the Lanna Crest:

It's not easy being Thai royalty.

On to other news, one of the kids I work with has just learned to say my name. It's sounds like "Lan Lan." All the girls together with me..."Aww!" Yeah, it made me smile so much today. Yes, I went back to work. I am in fact healing from my deathly illness (a.k.a. Sinusitis). It felt good being back at work. It was strange. I was sitting in a meeting this afternoon and it hit me that a year ago I would have never imagined myself here. And right now I feel so happy and filled with a strange sense of maturity. It's one of those times when you sit back and realize the stages of your life which you've past and the one you're in.

I was reading in Hebrews a few days ago. I was in chapter 12 where we get to talk about discipline. Basically: hardship=discipline=training. Through the training we reap the product of labor(harvest) of rightousness and peace. I'm learning to welcome and be thankful for training. The athletes in the Olympics have not accomplished what they have by sleeping all day and practicing their craft once a week. They have discipline(and a coach) to push themselves to their limit to get the proper training to run their race. As do we. I am trying my best to be thankful for hardships and broken hearts, because it might just be through them that God's Will be done in my life. Anyway, that's what I'm chewing on right now.

Now, I've got to go boil some chicken and prepare some sustinance for tonight's home group. I'm making a yummy chicken casserole. If any of you are home groupless...come join us at Gizz's 7pm. Til next time.

Thursday, August 26, 2004 | 3:58 PM | LINK |

Not Dead Yet.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dead nor am I dying. The ragweed has emerged early causing my sinuses to inflame and become infected. That is all. I am feeling much better today and hope to be my normal self again by the weekend.

While I was unable to sleep because of breathing impairments, I redesigned the site. What do you think? It's not quite where I want it, but it's getting there.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004 | 4:56 PM | LINK |


So I'm sick. I've got a little Sinusitis combined with a fever of 100.2. Yeah I'm feeling good today. Okay, that's all the energy I have to type with...I'm going back to sleep.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004 | 11:35 AM | LINK |

Books, books, books and the Jockey Lot.

What is it about books that creates such euphoria for me? I love, love, love them. Perhaps it's because you can occasionally find things like this still hanging on from times past. I was leafing through my 1883 edition of Lady of the Lake when I came upon this bookmark. Stuff like this takes my breath away. I wonder if anyone in the future will find a note that I have left in one of my books and be taken aback as I have. Speaking of books, my dad and I made it to the Jockey Lot this morning. I haven't been in ages. It did me good. I came home with 9 new additions to my library(one of which is a 1928 edition of Victorian Poetry), 2 dvds, and 4 squirrels all for the bargain price of $15. I love being in the South.

Saturday, August 21, 2004 | 1:02 PM | LINK |

I work with Tinkerbell.

No, seriously. I work with Tinkerbell. She worked at Disney World for 10 years as Tinkerbell and now she works with an afterschool program at South Fant. She's 4'5", tiny, and curly blonde hair...it's really freakish. Every morning I walk in and all of the sudden I'm ready for the Wonderful World of Disney. "What are we watching today Tinkerbell? Where's Walt?"

Thursday, August 19, 2004 | 3:45 PM | LINK |

Thoughts from Pink Delicious

I've just gotten through Hump Day. Why is it that Wednesdays are the longest days? Is it a earth rotational thing? My life seems to have gotten relatively boring since I got my new job. My brain is too overwhelmed with things of a Pre-school level that I'm afraid that it might shrivel up and die. Perhaps I need to join a Trivial Pursuit club. Perhaps I need to advertise for serious convo time to save me from the, "This is a boat...say boat...boat. This is a boat. Good Job!" Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job. I'm just saying that I'm going to have to budget in some time for the increasing of my everyday knowledge so that I can best function in society outside of crayons and legos (see, here come the run-ons...I'm not changing it). I should start reading the dictionary again...I used to do that when I was younger (like 12). I can remember when I would get mad in class when the teacher would have us read out loud and someone would mispronounce a word. I would never say anything, it's not who I am. But I would stew about it (I was a weird kid, I'm still a weird kid). I guess I had a reconnection with my youth this past weekend when I won a friendly game of Blurt...I NEVER win at this game. I'm lucky if I can make it to the 5th square past home...but Sunday night, Pink Delicious dominated. I continue to digress. I'll leave you with a picture from the Birthday Camping Trip. This is Nick trying his best to eat silly string. Til next time!

Wednesday, August 18, 2004 | 10:34 PM | LINK |

Cowboys and guns.

My dad is the greatest. He has lots of weird things about him. And each one makes me love him more. Well, one of his loves are the really old, really bad western movies. They have a tendency to come on late at night and more often than not...he winds up falling asleep on the couch. Last night he was enjoying an extremely raucous western. It was so raucous that I woke up to the screams of women and gunshots. Being disoriented for a moment, sheer terror crept over my body. I envisioned a mother and child being shot, lying on my front porch. What should I do? Should I get up? What if the perpetrator is still lingering outside? Will he see my shadow and gun me down as well? Should I lie here and wait for more noises? Should I dial 911? Then I heard horses and the same coconut induced horse claps that my ears had heard a million times before. I knew I was okay and I went back to sleep.

Also, if you are looking for something to do, F. Simon Grant will be reading his short story, Jazz :0r: Out We Jumped -- to hear the wild tenor man's bawling horn for bop at the Handlebar tonight in G-ville. 8pm.

Monday, August 16, 2004 | 3:38 PM | LINK |

Unexpected wisdom.

I've been very frustrated lately...and it's not because its that time of the month. I've just been easily frustrated. And yesterday I was perturbed to my limit. I found myself driving around town trying to just breathe. I walked into the grocery store to purchase some things from my mom and waited in line for quite a while. An older gentleman struck up a conversation with me. His name was George and he is 72. He told me the importance of self-confidence and of knowing who you are. He's telling me there's nothing like a woman who shines with a firm grip on who she is and where she's going. He called it a "quiet confidence" and then he told me that he saw Jesus in me. It was the greatest compliment that I've ever had given to me. Later at Books-A-Million, Steph and I met Gus. Gus is a 61 year-young individual. He lectured us on the importance of a day, the importance of giving, beauty of simplicity, and enjoying what you enjoy with no shame (he likes to have a pedicure).

And I was stopped in my tracks. What a selfish person I am...and I realized that I was being taught a lesson. Yes, nothing like unexpected wisdom to slap you in your face.

In other news, I fixed my problem with Hello...the photos should be clearer now for those few who enjoy my photos. Also, listening to the new Marc Broussard. MMMM... "Home" rocks my face. In fact, I think it rocked it clear off...I should go look for it now.

Friday, August 13, 2004 | 5:04 PM | LINK |

Theories of a six year-old.

I was reminded today of my weirdness as a child. We were discussing our favorite movies from childhood. Mine was definitely The Neverending Story. Well, as a 6 year-old I became obsessed with the idea that someone could be watching my "movie" right now. I tried to do everything as exciting and dramatic as possible, from brushing my teeth to doing my homework. I didn't want anyone to be bored if they were watching my life. I even reenacted my favorite movie on a daily basis (I suppose I didn't think that that would be boring). As soon as I came home from school, my parents would give me 2 hours to do whatever I wanted to before I had to start my homework. The Neverending Story was about an hour and a half...so it was perfect. I would push play and reenact the entire thing from start to finish...complete with props. I had a huge stuffed dog that became my Falkor. I had an obnoxiously large pin that was my grandmothers, this became my Auryn. A stuffed horse was Artax and a necklace draped across my forehead made me the Childlike Empress. This obviously impacted my decision to take part in theater later in life.

I had another theory too. I believed even though "they" said the world was round, it was actually flat and that we all had someone directly under us who was doing the same exact thing at the same exact moment. My identical upside person was of Asian decent and name Kaita. I don't know...perhaps it was my take on an imaginary friend, even though we never talked. I just imagined her doing the same thing I was. We had no dialogue.

I had more theories, but I'm afraid that you might think me weirder than I already am. Which I don't necessarily mind...but we'll save the theory talk for another day.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004 | 4:08 PM | LINK |

Life lessons from a 23rd birthday.

Never feed a goose a pop tart, because if you do they will hiss, peck and chase you.

Never leave a birthday cake out while camping, because raccoons will eat it.

Never underestimate the joy of smores, pop tarts, and silly string.

"Happy Drinks" aren't really "happy" if you drink more than one.

Teeny-bopper presents help to keep the heart young (thanks to Carol and Jon for my Justin Timberlake dvd and Trivial Pursuit: Lord of the Rings edition).

Friends are great.

The "bad color" will for the right now, will be referred to as "the bad color" and not it's actual name.

It's fun to bend reality every now and again.

The end.

Sunday, August 08, 2004 | 11:52 PM | LINK |

1st day of school, roll-backs, and the village.

Today we will be learning about animals, let's sing a song about our friend the cow.

to the tune of 'Happy Birthday'

Listen to the cow mooing,
Listen to the cow mooing,
She has seven stomachs,
Listen to the cow mooing.

I kid with you not. Kelly and I colored and played with blocks all day long. And as we were coloring some teaching aids, we ran across this little diddy. Quite catchy, eh?

I was watching TV with my mom this past weekend and one of those Wal-mart Roll-back commercials came on. I realized that it is the greatest marketing scheme ever. People think they're going to save a butt-load of money, but in actuality you probably won't save more that $0.25. Let's say we have Pink Princess Barbie (Pink Princess Barbie is a figment of my imagination and not a real product) on the Roll-back list. She's been "rolled-back" to $15.95. But if you look at the fine print she was originally $16.20. The public brain only looks at the first two numbers and says "Hey! It's a dollar cheaper! Buy it now!" And the body obeys. Hence, the greatest marketing scheme (or shall we say genius) ever.

We went to see the The Village Saturday afternoon. It was extremely good. Great cast, great acting, great writing, great cinematography...I want to go see it again. In fact, I could go see it again tonight...anyone want to go? Yay to M. Night Shamalamadingdong.

Monday, August 02, 2004 | 4:02 PM | LINK |